I’m bad at words. I don’t know I’m feeling like this is because I’m purely freaking tired from projects or this is purely how I feel. For the past few weeks, I feel everything is not smooth sailing for me. I met with this obstacle that obstacle. Unlike the past, I can’t accept peoples’ comment graciously now. I just felt that I need that basic recognition, that basic respect. The piece of work can be imperfect, but after all, there’s still hard work put in. It’s not like I just get that piece of work from the bin, all ideas are generated through my brain using up all my brain juice.
And shit, I’m starting to think that people must treat me the way I treat them. And I hate people that ignore me, seriously. I don’t treat you this manner, so you shouldn’t too. When you asked for help, I did help. When I ask for help, you help unwillingly or worst still, YOU FUCKING IGNORE ME. I don’t know to feel sad or angry over it. Afterall, everyone had been telling me, I must care about myself before caring for others. But I’m not that selfish. As days go by, I felt that people around me are getting worst than selfish. And I shouldn’t share my things with them, but I can’t bring myself to do that. If I really do that, it would be the day that I’m ultimately disappointed with you. But I WON’T LET YOU BRING ME DOWN. The more you think I can’t do it, I WILL PROVE YOU WRONG. AND YOU WATCH OUT. Being high up there doesn’t mean you will be there forever, you will get pull down eventually.
Another thing, I hate to bootlick. I hate to see bootlickers. I can be good to you, but I’m not bootlicking you. But after a conversation, I realised that bootlicking is important especially if I want to achieve what I want. Especially if I want to get good results, there are many grey areas that they can make amendments.
I seriously have no idea why Im feeling so lousy this often recently. I need an avenue for me to vent all of frustrations, unhappiness. Life is more than a show, worst than a horror movie. This world is getting scarier and scarier and scarier that I don’t wish to continue. I really wish that 2012 is dooms day and it will come faster. I need to go into hibernate and quarantine myself from everyone. Don’t tell me to be strong, I wish I am too.
